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Despite being born in London (with a family tree including a father known as ‘Mad Jack’ and a grandfather known as ‘Foulweather Jack’ which is pretty ace), Lord George Gordon Byron is a historical figure clung on to by Nottinghamshire – despite him rarely spending any time in Newstead Abbey, a property he inherited in Nottingham, the local media would have you believe he wandered regularly around our fair county.

That aside, he is obviously famous as a bit of a lothario, and given his tendencies to swing both ways he wasn’t always somebody who was tolerated in 18th and 19th century England – hence he spent a fair bit of time in Europe to avoid the kind of persecution that folks of his persuasions tended to attract, but anyway, I digress, but there is a reason beyond his tenuous link to Nottingham that I bring up the subject of Lord Byron.

Last week it transpired that Lloyd, the eldest of our cockatiels, was feeling under the weather – a trip to the vet revealed it was more than just that, and that he’d lost a great deal of weight, enough to make us fearful for his life. He was duly booked in to the vet again to undergo an xray and a blood test, of which the results were broadly inconclusive. Fortunately in the meantime I’ve managed to lure him into eating rice which has stemmed his weight loss, and indeed, he is showing early signs of regaining his weight and appears much healthier and more like his old self.

I’m cautiously optimistic he’s in ‘recovery mode’ – but it was very upsetting when I wasn’t sure if he’d come back from the vet since he was to undergo an anaesthetic in order to have his tests; you see I’m a soppy git when it comes to animals at the best of times, but to all intents and purposes Lloyd’s a child to me, it’s very difficult for non-animal people to fathom, and indeed non-bird people – you see, cockatiels are very affectionate and have real personalities, so the thought of losing him after only five years (they have a life expectancy of 15-20 years) was quite distressing.

It was during looking up the contact details for our vet (named after Lord Byron) that I came across this poem he wrote as an epitaph for his dog, Boatswain – a Newfoundland Hound actually imported from Canada, who died of rabies. (And people think my naming my bird Lloyd was weird!), and well, it resonated quite strongly given my circumstances at the time, so I thought I’d post it here. For those curious folk, Boatswain’s tomb is still present at the Abbey.

Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Beauty without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferosity,
and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.

This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
BOATSWAIN, a DOG,
who was born in Newfoundland May 1803
and died at Newstead Nov. 18, 1808.

When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,
Unknown by Glory, but upheld by Birth,
The sculptor’s art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below.
When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been.
But the poor Dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his Master’s own,
Who labors, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonored falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the Soul he held on earth
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.

Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power
Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy smiles hypocrisy, thy words deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye, who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on, it honors none you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend’s remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one, and here he lies.

Grand words indeed, and if you’ve ever seen Boatswain’s tomb then it’s a pretty grand monument too – one inspired by barely five years of a dog’s life; such is the impact the animal must have had on Byron. Whilst I can’t muster words like these, that would be a fair summary of how I would feel to lose Lloyd – so fingers crossed he’s on the mend!

One of the main reasons I really love working for my employers is it is entirely compatible with my deep-rooted feelings towards my home town, as despite being privately owned now Boots is still very much an institution and will be constantly associated with Nottingham.  Another is that it’s great that Boots does plenty of worthy things for charities, much of which goes unreported, however this post is about last year’s shenanigans to raise over £1m for Children in Need.

Part of this cash, around £16,000 to be precise, was raised by some ingenius people in our head office deciding to attempt to break a Guinness World Record; upon perusing potential records to tackle they fantastically opted to target the large ‘wobble board’ ensemble.  Those of you who know me well will know I love most things related to Rolf Harris, so upon hearing about it I couldn’t wait to sign up and, indeed, even agreed to help coordinate the attempt on the day.

Children in Need day at Boots is generally a bit of a ‘tools down and raise cash’ kinda day – and for the day our team had opted for fancy dress.  Thanks to my colleague Katie and her very generous friend Dean, I was able to borrow a Chewbacca costume for the day – somewhat to the surprise of the other guys orchestrating the Wobble Board attempt!  It was a really really fun day – and raised plenty of cash for a fantastic cause.

Anyway, I digress.  Over the last couple of days Boots received word that the chaps at the Guinness Book of Records have confirmed our record-breaking attempt was a success and sent a certificate to say so – they have yet to update their website with the information, and we wait with excitement to see if we make it into the book – but for now, I rather amusingly featured on the picture Boots used to announce the confirmation on their corporate intranet – dressed as Chewbacca, stood next to the Chief Executive of Boots!

A nice reminder of a day well-spent!

I’ve never really succumbed to the charms of Apple, which is unusual having at least slight geekish tendencies – I know a number of my friends are very much converts – but whilst the aesthetics of Apple’s stuff has always appealed to me, compatibility issues and – if I’m honest – fear of the unfamiliar has always kept me faithful with PCs. And that’s not really changed.

Despite often pondering it, even the ubiquitous iPod didn’t lure me into the ranks of an owner of an Apple product – whilst there are cheaper mp3 players on the market, the simplicity and aesthetics were big appeals and I must admit I’ve almost succumbed a number of times on that front. It wasn’t until I encountered an iPhone that I became absolutely determined I was going to own one – and now I do.

Now, many of the iPhone’s features would have put me off a while back – they’re rigidly uncustomisable without them being hacked, and whilst they array of tasks they perform is awesome – they are often limited, for example, Bluetooth is crippled to only work as a means to transmit calls to a device – not transfer files etc, it’s only available on the o2 network in the UK, the camera software has little or not functionality… in the past I wouldn’t have been happy with this.

But now, to be honest, I was tempted by both the form and the function. A phone of course is the primary function, and the ability to send text messages – but the lure of having some music on the go (I’m not a big music-on-the-go listener, but I do like to on occasion), and more importantly ‘proper’ internet access when I’m out and about was big selling point for me – and I’ve not been disappointed at all. Little things like the ‘pinch to zoom’ type stuff, the finger-dragging to scroll etc were all icing on the cake.

It’s true that I’ve had to install the hateful iTunes on my computer in order to control its content, but it’s been worth the palaver now I’ve got a selection of stuff I’m happy with on there, all with cover artwork to maximise the impact of the awesome coverflow view (I’m so easily impressed!!). The other bonus is that I can actually get a mobile signal at work now, which I couldn’t before on the Orange network.

Credit to Orange, they made it incredibly easy for me to cancel their contract – allowing me to “buy out” the remaining time for an amount significantly lower than it would have been had I been held to it, and my number should be transferred over to the iPhone in a couple of days, a week after activating it, which isn’t bad at all. I guess that’s basic customer service but that’s not something you can always take for granted these days!

So I can’t see myself rushing out to buy a Powerbook or anything, but my first experience of owning an Apple product has been a very pleasing one!

I discovered recently I could very well find myself an awarding winning amateur radio journalist! Well, sort of. Dave mentioned it to me, but I’d half forgotten what with being ill, and then had the strange surprise of hearing myself on the radio alarm clock as I was waking up this morning – which, since I’ve not done any work with BBC Radio Nottingham for a while was a bit of a surprise.

Basically, Radio Nottingham have been nominated for a Sony award – the radio equivalent of the Oscars (so they say!) – and in being nominated, the award organisers picked 30 features provided by BBC Radio Nottingham during the qualification period for the awards. And one of the two sports features they picked was an audio diary I recorded when Forest ‘played’ Chelsea last year in the FA Cup – at which time I was quite regularly doing fan bulletins for the radio.

You can listen to the audio diary in full by using the link below – I’m quite chuffed about it, it was good fun and it’s a shame they’ve since decided not to utilise my pathetic addiction to Nottingham Forest to continue recording my largely boring thoughts about the not-so-mighty Reds! That said, I bombarded the poor sods at Radio Nottingham with audio clips throughout the day, so massive credit should also go to the poor bugger who had to edit it into something sensible! (I think the aptly named Tim Forrest can take credit for that).

There was also a photo gallery setup on the BBC website for the Chelsea vs. Forest match – which you can visit by clicking here. I miss being a media whore!

I’ve been bedridden for nigh on 10 days, pretty much – particularly last week, I was sleeping 20 hours a day (fitfully) and feeling generally shite… the worst part was, when awake I wasn’t able to deal with the computer, TV or reading – by the end of the week I thought I was going to go completely mad!

Thankfully over the last couple of days I’ve been feeling much better, and am planning on returning to work tomorrow – and, perversely, I’m really looking forward to it!  Being stuck in the house with nowt but a trip to the doctors to break the monotony has given me a serious case of cabin fever – so getting back to normality will be a welcome relief.

It’s quite unlike me to take ill, and I’m not the best patient when I am – I get pretty irritable, as anyone would I suppose – I also managed to miss a trip to watch Forest beat Tranmere at the weekend which was very annoying, I mean, how often do I actually get to see Forest win matches away from home?

Personally, Wordsworth doesn’t really do it for me – but I can see why he was so taken with the Lake District having spent the last few days there, another birthday surprise this time courtesy of my folks.

We stayed at two places overlooking the very scenic Ullswater lake, and generally did a lot of relaxing, a lot of eating nice food, a lot of sight-seeing, a bit of walking and a bit of horseriding in driving wind and rain – all of which made for some much-needed rest and relaxation, as well as more pleasurable exertion compared to the day-to-day strains we put ourselves under.

Certainly at this time of year you’re taking your fate into the hands of mother nature – and indeed, we experienced pretty much any weather conditions you could imagine in the UK whilst there, but since we had suitable attire to deal with that, it didn’t spoil the trip at all – if anything it made it more interesting as you get to see the environment you’re in differently depending on the climatic conditions.

Photos uploaded here and here in two parts, all in all, if you like a bit of walking and varied and brilliant scenery then I’d heartily recommend the Lake District!

Who would’ve thought what a chav on Coronation Street was randomly singing on a Wednesday night would have an impact on this very blog?

Well that’s what happened this week! I had been trying to wean myself off shit soaps as, well, they’re shit! But on Wednesday we were at a loose end before dinner in a hotel in the Lake District so did partake – and the cafe worker lass was singing ‘When I needed a neighbour’ which has, of course, been subject to a previous post on this blog.

She was singing the ‘I was cold, I was naked’ bit, somewhat bizarrely. Anyway, clearly this stirred a lot of memories for people who immediately turned to Google who pointed them at this post on my site that has the lyrics to the hymn on it. Funny, eh? I spotted an unusual spike in my hits on Wednesday and sure enough, it was that post driving it, and caused by searches on Google for the lyrics to the hymn – the power of Corrie, eh?

People always dredge out the old adage that you should never meet you heroes, and I’ve some experience of this in the past – I’ve come up with another one following my experiences of last weekend, and that is that irrational fondnesses for a cheesy 80’s film isn’t always best shared in the company of friends in a private cinema screening!

To explain further, my dear brother Rich plotted a surprise for my 30th birthday, which involved me being blindfolded and bundled into a taxi by Cat, after a short journey (which I was trying to keep track of, but lost myself somewhere in Carlton) saw me guided into a room and unmasked to be faced with a load of friends yelling ‘surprise’ – which quite took me aback, and to complete the job of bewilderment Rich arrived in the room clad in a ‘David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King from The Labyrinth’ costume!

It transpired that he’d been conspiring and beavering away for some time to organise a surprise private screening of The Labyrinth – a film that both myself and Rich, and coincidentally Cat too, have an unnatural soft spot for, in the Paul Smith designed Screen Four at the Broadway Cinema in Nottingham.  It’s easy to say that you have a cheesy favourite film to people, it’s a strangely uncomfortable experience to realise that particular part of your soul is being laid bare on a silver screen infront of you all!

Still, as Hoggle would say, you can’t take anything for granted!  A scene in the film which is very familiar to me caused peals of laughter from all assembled, self included – it had never occurred to me watching the film through a veil of familiarity that when Hoggle falls to his knees in fear at Jareth’s feet, that he ends up eye-to-eye with Bowie’s very prominent ‘trouser aubergine’ (which Rich recreated disturbingly for his costume!), and could, perhaps, have been contemplating a quick toot on the Goblin King’s ‘pink oboe’…

With the film over there were further drinks and a rather splendid buffet a chance to have a proper chat with the tremendous array of folk who’d travelled from near and far to join in my festival of embarrassment – complete with some particularly choice photos of my childhood that Rich had picked out to be festooned around the bar area in time for our return from the film – cheers, Rich! (My favourite, which I’ve included here, is me clearly showing that I paved the way for Pete Doherty’s look!).

It was great to catch up with so many folks I don’t see enough of, though, and once the initial shock of it all (contrary to the perception of many, I absolutely abhor being the centre of attention so it took some time to adjust to this way of being), I had a really good time and it’s really quite moving that folks are prepared to go to such an effort to organise and take part in a surprise like this.

So thanks to all concerned, not least Rich and Cat who were largely co-conspirators on the day, but to everyone who came too – it certainly beat the day of loafing I imagined I was going to enjoy on my birthday!  There’s more pics on Rich’s website, I’m not sure why I’m linking to it as they’re awful!

I am now very much in the market for ideas for some suitable form of revenge for Rich’s 30th in late 2009, so do feel free to send me any ideas you may have… although I already have a couple of things winging around my head!

.. I’ve now somehow reached the ripe old age of 30 years, I’m not quite sure when that happened!

It’s the early hours, so there’s been no presentage or owt as yet – although my lovely colleagues did force me to have a night on the town on friday to mark the occasion, a night I’m still feeling the after effects of after imbibing a little too freely over the course of the evening.

We started in the Bell, who do a really rather nice Extra Pale Ale should you ever be passing – indeed, we were in the Bell until it closed.  I had decreed, you see, that we go to ‘old man’ pubs, and well, being old and a bit lazy we never quite managed to move on, until kicking out time, at which point the night becomes rather hazy as I was onto the shorts by then!

Still, I made it home unscathed so I think it was probably a good night – the first bit I can remember certainly was!

.. I’ve been practicing Didgeridoo-related things, particularly circular breathing, a technique that enables you to play continuously whilst still breathing (which is pretty essential in the grand scheme of things!).  Colin taught us the concept whilst down in London, but it’s fair to say neither Rich nor I got very far with mastering it!

The basic premise is you blow from your lungs, and as you ‘run out’ of air, you puff up your cheeks, and use your cheeks to expel air – maintaining the flow which keeps your lips vibrating – whilst taking a sniff of air, and resume blowing from the lungs again.  You have a very natural mental block which prevents you from doing this – because generally there’s no reason to!

Colin recommends going outside with some water, and putting water in your mouth and expel it using your cheek muscles, when you’ve done this, do it again whilst inhaling through your nose… essentially this is what you need to do.  So far I’ve been able to keep a constant stream of air coming from my mouth whilst taking breaths with my nose, but still seem to suffer from a mental block when it comes do doing it with the didgeridoo in place.  I’ll get there, though – which is reassuring!

I might even try the water trick – I read another method of getting over the mental stumbling block, which was using a straw and a glass of water, use the straw to blow bubbles in the water, and maintain the bubbles using the concept above of circular breathing – pretty easy… it’s just getting the timing right to take the breath before the cheek-pressure stops your lips vibrating… still, it’s progress!