Monthly Archives: September 2010

Specky four eyes…

One of my favourite things about going to the football is quite random, and quite churlish really.

To start at the beginning, I tend to be rather a different person when at the football than in my everyday life.  People who’ve sat with me at games for the first time are usually pretty shocked that my usually relatively mild manner can become a frothing at the mouth foul-mouthed ball of rage.

You see, going down the football is my ‘release valve’ – and since my football team of choice, Nottingham Forest, haven’t exactly had an auspicious few years of late, there’s plenty of frustration upon which one can vent one’s spleen.  It’s not just ranting at the team I support though, of course.

I’m quite a big fan of banter with opposition fans – and by that I most certainly don’t mean anything physical – just literally banter.  It’s fun, and from my spot at the City Ground (on the front row right above the away section) I couldn’t wish for a better spot to do it.  Because the Forest stewards are quite draconian, ‘banter’ is restricted to fairly inoffensive things.

That’s just perfect though, nothing seems to get a better reaction than a smile, a wave or a blown kiss – so I’m glad our little Hitler stewards have opened up this unique opportunity, afterall, nobody looks anything other than moronic by enthusiastically masturbating the air infront of their face, when you think about it.

So anyway, this is all the background to explain what is a very small and trivial thing that I really enjoy about going to the football.  Nearly every week – as well as single or double-digit salutes and air-wanking – my favourite gesture is generally received from the away fans, the classic “Specky Four Eyes” formation with their hands forming rudimentary ‘glasses’.

It’s ace – it’s the only place except Primary School (bear in mind I was in Primary School in the 1980s – I imagine even they might’ve moved on now), where that’s a viable insult.  Far from being insulting, it’s hilarious – and one of my favourite sights from my seat overlooking our dear visitors from other towns and cities in the UK.  When there’s nothing left of wit to say, let’s insult someone for wearing glasses!

I bloody love football, and how stupid football fans can be – it really is more than just going to watch twenty two men kick a bag of wind about, it’s tribal, it’s passionate and – above everything else – it’s bloody funny, there’s no way I’d have trudged down there through some of the times Forest have had lately if it weren’t these things.  Above all else, it’s probably the only place you can go to get called a Specky Four Eyes.

Except for school playgrounds, and let’s face it, it just wouldn’t do to be seen hanging around those regularly with no real reason for being there!

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What’s wrong with the Football League Show?

I don’t mind Manish too much, even if he’s part of the BBC Leicester conspiracy, and whilst Claridge has the charisma and presenting skills of a lump of coal, he is pretty knowledgable unlike the Match of the Day pundits.

It’s the Lizzie and Clem nonsense that is an utter waste of time. Forest’s highlights were reduced to the goals, ignoring some other cracking footy, in exchange we get to hear Lizzie reading out texts and emails from morons, and ‘Clem’ galavanting around Huish Park like a big bald camp irritant.

Why not maximise the cash you paid to show the highlights? Save a bit by getting rid of the considerable chaff on the payroll. As football fans we want to see the action, not half-baked trivia from a bald dude nor the opinions of idiots read out by a token lady.

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We can be heroes..

Anyone who read my previous blog entitled ‘The C Word‘ may remember I wrote about the father of one of my friends.  David was a man who was diagnosed with cancer but rather than give up, he battled, formed a charity, underwent countless treatments as well as volunteering for tests of potential new treatments.

It’s with great sadness that I must note he passed away a few days ago, his hard fight with that evil disease finally over.

If you read that, you should read this too.  Indeed, anyone should read this – well, not my words, which are ultimately fairly flaccid and redundant, but they should click through and read this, his final blog entry, and this, a tribute from his similarly amazing son, Martin.

To me he remains an inspiration, a hero and somebody I greatly admire – which is rather good going for somebody I never had the pleasure of meeting.  Next year a friend and I have pledged to take to a Windsurfer in his honour, which should prove entertaining as neither of us have any experience of such things!

If David’s fight and inspirational attitude moves you as much as me, then please donate a few pounds in his memory to W4CR.  You can do so by clicking here.

Rest in peace, David.

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Airbag testing in Russia…

Boom! I bet he’s still regretting agreeing to sit on those tyres already, but thankfully he did as it makes for a hilarious video!  Thanks to Antonios Gubba on the LTLF forum for posting it, boy has it made us chuckle at work this afternoon!

In other news, since I’ve not blogged for a while about anything in particular, following on from my near-miss on applying to be part of Derren Brown‘s ‘Hero at 30,000 Feet‘ special (I made a fleeting appearance on the programme when they were discussing the audition process!), I’ve been lured into applying for ‘Total Wipeout‘ – which would be hilarious (albeit completely different, and not as exciting).

Still, if I missed out on a more high-brow mental challenge then I suppose a low-brow physical challenge might be a reasonable compensation.  There is a prize of £10k for winning, although that’s not really the motivation – I just think it would be a good experience.  Not least because it involves flying to Argentina (presumably due to more lax health and safety regs!) although the application made it clear there’d be no time for sight-seeing!

After much success with my biltong-making having conversed carefully with some of my favourite food-testers at work I’m considering a Guinness-infused variant for my next batch, although I might just wait ’til after payday before commencing that particular project.  My mate Phil has also made a biltong cabinet inspired my efforts – so I eagerly await the results of his efforts!

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Holy shit..

I can’t really be arsed to get worked up about millions of our collective money – in a time of ‘austerity’ – being spunked on Pope Benedict the sixteenth’s state visit to the UK.  Sure, I’m not a religious man, and the Catholic faith is probably quite low down on my list of favourite religions, but still.  Okay, I do get quite worked up about it.

I am disappointed however.  Since my immune system conspired against me I was ensconsed infront of daytime TV (a disappointment in itself!) when he was greeted in Scotland by the Queen – head of a rival church, but fellow German, but never a member of Hitler Youth (as far as I’m aware).

What really left me gutted was that Prince Philip, perpetual casual racist and national embarrassment, didn’t take the opportunity to finally utter something entirely inappropriate.  Perhaps he finally met a state visitor with whom he has a strong affinity for their views on other cultures and races… either way, a disappointment.

Of course, for the pun-factor, I really hope over the next few days that somebody eggs Benedict!  In the meantime I’ll have to settle for farting around with ‘ToonPaint’ on my iPhone, an awesome app I recently rediscovered!!

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