Oh yes, I have a space for occasional musing don’t I? I must stop forgetting this brain-dump zone exists! So anyway, I was rummaging for something in my spare room the other day and unearthed a treasure trove of other random things. I have to stay in the realms of vagueness because, well, I do – personal artefacts of the distant past, mementoes, things I must admit that I’d largely forgotten about.
Indeed, some so extensive that a fairly ruthless pruning of said artefacts took place awaiting the next bin collection day. I’d actually managed to keep hold of (admittedly sealed) edible things from over 20 years ago – who does that, ha? I really used to be an overly-sentimental twat. But amongst the assorted things I found one was really intriguing – fond reminiscing and sadness all merged into one, and a warning for the future.
Without revealing anything identifiable (not that this is likely to be well-read, I’ve long since disabled cross-posting my blog to Facebook) I found a chronicle of a period of time from a significant other’s perspective. At the time of receipt a deeply touching and thoughtful gift – and whilst spectacularly dated in terms of enduring sentiment, it’s something I’m glad I kept hold of and had an accidental reunion with, even if it made me feel a bit sad as well.
Reading between the lines and with the benefit of both hindsight and a couple of decades of built-up life experience and cynicism was really interesting. I’m genuinely not sure whether or not it’s something I’ve read since the relationship that produced it decayed (surprisingly quickly after said chronicle was produced) – I probably did, to be fair, but given the lack of recall for some of the disposed-of artefacts it might not be surprising that I’d forgotten.
Unwittingly in the text there were plenty of signposts for things that were going not quite so brilliantly, and probably ultimately led to the relationship’s demise. Of course, the odds these days of finding something enduring at the age we were at the time was pretty minuscule – and over time you kinda chalk it up to one of those things and either accept or bury what was at the time was what felt like heart-crushing pain. Tis the circle of life.
But it was interesting how some of the between-the-lines themes might just’ve found themselves repeating themselves unwittingly, ingrained behavioural traits are probably default settings if left unchecked can creep back into your everyday if you neglect to stay on top of them – and sure is eggs is eggs, the pattern repeats, the consequences are remarkably similar yet you don’t make the connection.
Wow, that was vague wasn’t it? Sorry for any incidental readers – increasingly I find this blog is a (very!) occasional mind-dump space, but this has been really useful food for thought for me. I guess diary-writers might find similar insight in their old musings they made in private to themselves, but as I’ve never really done that I don’t have that luxury. Whether I actually take such things on board or not or simply forget about them again until next time I go looking for something in the spare room remains to be seen.
But maybe committing the discovery to an insufferably vague blog post might just reinforce some brain synapses into making some connections that I’d clearly forgotten over the intervening years. Or maybe not! I dunno, more than a year since I posted anything and that’s what I came up with. Haha! See you in another few months…