Like I’m sure a few people do, I watched enviously as the bird feeders at the very bottom of our neighbour’s garden became a regular meeting place for robins, blue tits, sparrows and finches – and the occasional wood pigeon with all the grace of a bowling ball.
Over time, though, those feeders gradually emptied, the visits became less frequent and eventually they disappeared altogether.
It got me thinking.
We don’t actually use our garden all that much. It’s a fairly quiet little space, especially during the day, and with the recent warm weather it seemed like the perfect opportunity to make it a little more welcoming for whatever wildlife happened to be passing through.
So, armed with optimism and perhaps a little too much technology, I installed a Birdfy smart feeder and matching bird bath.
The concept is wonderful.
A bird lands.
The camera spots it.
Artificial intelligence identifies it.
My phone excitedly tells me that a goldfinch has popped in for lunch.
I become David Attenborough with push notifications.
Reality has been… somewhat quieter.
The feeder has now been in place for about a week.
Number of birds observed using it: 0.
Number of birds observed using the bath: 0.
Number of times I’ve opened the app expecting exciting wildlife footage: considerably more than I’d care to admit.
The feeder is full of fresh seed.
The bath contains clean water that seems especially appropriate given the current spell of hot weather.
Everything has decent Wi-Fi coverage.
The birds, however, appear to have declined the invitation.
I can only assume there’s a committee meeting taking place somewhere nearby.
“Right then, everyone. New feeding station on the agenda.”
“Looks very nice.”
“Plenty of seed.”
“Fresh water.”
“…Camera?”
“Camera.”
“Absolutely not.”
To be fair, everything I’ve read says this is perfectly normal. Birds are naturally cautious of anything new appearing in their environment. If a fully stocked restaurant with multiple cameras suddenly appeared at the end of my street, I’d probably watch from a safe distance for a week too.
So, for now, we wait.
The garden remains peaceful.
The seed remains untouched.
The water remains crystal clear.
The AI, capable of identifying thousands of bird species, continues its demanding workload of identifying absolutely nothing.
And oddly, I’m quite happy about that.
The whole point wasn’t to create instant entertainment. It was to provide a quiet corner where birds could stop for a drink, grab a bite to eat and carry on with their day without being disturbed. If it takes a little while for word to spread, that’s fine by me.
I’ll keep the feeder topped up, keep the bath clean, and let nature work to its own schedule.
Although if the local robin committee could perhaps expedite the approval process, I’d be most grateful.
Goddammit 
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