One of my favourite things about going to the football is quite random, and quite churlish really.
To start at the beginning, I tend to be rather a different person when at the football than in my everyday life. People who’ve sat with me at games for the first time are usually pretty shocked that my usually relatively mild manner can become a frothing at the mouth foul-mouthed ball of rage.
You see, going down the football is my ‘release valve’ – and since my football team of choice, Nottingham Forest, haven’t exactly had an auspicious few years of late, there’s plenty of frustration upon which one can vent one’s spleen. It’s not just ranting at the team I support though, of course.
I’m quite a big fan of banter with opposition fans – and by that I most certainly don’t mean anything physical – just literally banter. It’s fun, and from my spot at the City Ground (on the front row right above the away section) I couldn’t wish for a better spot to do it. Because the Forest stewards are quite draconian, ‘banter’ is restricted to fairly inoffensive things.
That’s just perfect though, nothing seems to get a better reaction than a smile, a wave or a blown kiss – so I’m glad our little Hitler stewards have opened up this unique opportunity, afterall, nobody looks anything other than moronic by enthusiastically masturbating the air infront of their face, when you think about it.
So anyway, this is all the background to explain what is a very small and trivial thing that I really enjoy about going to the football. Nearly every week – as well as single or double-digit salutes and air-wanking – my favourite gesture is generally received from the away fans, the classic “Specky Four Eyes” formation with their hands forming rudimentary ‘glasses’.
It’s ace – it’s the only place except Primary School (bear in mind I was in Primary School in the 1980s – I imagine even they might’ve moved on now), where that’s a viable insult. Far from being insulting, it’s hilarious – and one of my favourite sights from my seat overlooking our dear visitors from other towns and cities in the UK. When there’s nothing left of wit to say, let’s insult someone for wearing glasses!
I bloody love football, and how stupid football fans can be – it really is more than just going to watch twenty two men kick a bag of wind about, it’s tribal, it’s passionate and – above everything else – it’s bloody funny, there’s no way I’d have trudged down there through some of the times Forest have had lately if it weren’t these things. Above all else, it’s probably the only place you can go to get called a Specky Four Eyes.
Except for school playgrounds, and let’s face it, it just wouldn’t do to be seen hanging around those regularly with no real reason for being there!